The Greatest Scientist Ever?

12 March, 2006

Science Creative Quarterly has determined the greatest scientist in history with that most scientific of methods: experimentation. Read their account of the single-elimination cage match. (My favorite geneticist peeps, Mendel, Darwin, and Watson&Crick, do not show well, sadly.)

Some sample hilarities:

Pauling began the match by introducing Newton to the concepts of electronegativity and hybridization. This clearly intrigued Newton who stopped his advance and began to stroke his chin thoughtfully allowing Pauling to reach into the crowd and retrieve his Nobel Peace prize, which he then used to beat Newton about the face.

Curie was able to completely dominate Werner Heisenberg who, when he was able to locate his fleet-footed opponent, seemed to consistently misjudge her momentum.

It was later revealed that [Aristotle] had been suffering from a stomach flu ever since his victory over van Leeuwenhoek the day before;

The final blow came when Freud deployed his Oedipal theories; this left the family in tears, unable to go on with the fight.

As the 7th round began Mendeleev made a crucial error and taunted Newton, declaring that Leibniz had in fact been the true progenitor of calculus.


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