snakes on a oh fuck it

22 August, 2006

I had this whole thing half-ready to go about the actual movie, I had to do other things and then couldn’t find the time to finish it. I pretended like I could for a few days, but fuck it. The point of this blog is not to further stress me out. Anyway, the gist was: this assclown needs to watch this, and read this, because he does not get it, and it’s embarrassing for all of us to watch him stick his head farther and farther up his ass while he pretends that he does.

Nutshell: The movie was absolutely everything I’d hoped it would be, surprisingly so. “Was it good?” you may ask. Well, I’m unlikely to buy the DVD, but it’s the most fun I’ve had in a theater in some time, and the most I expect to have for a while to come. I was very, very thoroughly entertained.  But I do not expect to be able to relive it. I consider it a theatergoing experience, not a moviegoing one.

I do feel I should warn anyone who may take this as a recommendation: you better have a strong stomach. At one point, early in the carnage as the snakes got all the easy prey, there was an extended scene so gory and graphic and, well, horrifying that it totally silenced even a theater of buzzed hipsters. I said to Reaganite, “This is what we asked for.”  We just didn’t think we’d actually GET it.  We wanted to see if Hollywood would go there. And they did, I tell you whut. They went farther than I’d hoped they would, and I used to behead rats for a living. After lunch!

Further recommendations: if you go, explicitly make a tally of who you think will live and who will die. (We only did this informally, which we regret.) In fact if you are not the sort of person who enjoys doing this, you probably won’t enjoy the movie.

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