Like omigod it is sooo cold! And: an apology to my friends.

20 January, 2008

I reeeeeeeeally try not to rag on DC for its weather-related skittishness. It’s just too goddamned easy, and boring. But, come the fuck on. Did people always make this big a deal out of 20 degree weather? 20 DEGREES. We’re not traversing Antarctica here. Wear a fucking hat.

It’s times like these I feel most Midwestern. I have five trusty Weather Dashboard widgets set up, one for each place in the country where I have family. The “Stepfather” one tells me that it’s 10degF in Michigan. The “Grandmother, Aunt, Uncle, and 3 Cousins” one tells me that it’s 1degF in Wisconsin. Now THAT is some weather, people. One fricking degree. My cousins — ages 7, 5, and 1 — are being raised RIGHT. That’s not “you can’t go out and play, because I’m cold” weather. That’s “you can’t go out to play because you will get frostbite” weather.

I am sure my sister disagrees. She never felt the cold to be character-building, although that may have been because in the Midwest she bark-coughs like a seal from November to March. So she moved to Northern California. Where it’s now 20 degrees. Neener, seester. (And to round everyone out, it’s also 20 degrees where my mom is. She was raised in the Midwest but is now in Connecticut. How bout it, momb? Are they wimpy about 20 degrees there too?)

I was unfortunate this evening, when, failing to turn the football game off in a timely fashion, a local newscast bounced some photons off my retinae. No worries, first-degree burns only, I changed it quickly…but not before I got a nice strong dose of schadenfreude watching a newsperson interview a shivering frat boy, wearing on his head only a baseball cap, who admitted that it is too cold to wear on his head only a baseball cap. I hope his boyz don’t see him on the news, because based on the aggressively-worn T-shirts I saw the frat boys sporting on the streets last night, admitting to feeling cold practically makes him gay.

In very sad news, my text messaging appears to be broken. I’m not sure how many days now. I am lost without text messages. Seriously. My Google Calendar texts me reminders (and God knows I need a lot of reminders, what with this sieve I call a brain). I already missed at least one, and I suspect two, social engagements because people are used to not having to call me. So, I apologize to all of youse whose messages I have missed. It probably hurts me more than it hurts you!

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5 Responses to “Like omigod it is sooo cold! And: an apology to my friends.”

  1. liz Says:

    This is funny. I have a new phone, with texting. And who is the first person I texted…you. And you didn’t respond. So I assumed you hated me.

  2. archphoenix Says:

    In Northern California it gets into the low 50s and people freak out about the “cold.” Last year when we were visiting San Francisco in January they had a chart up on the news showing that 32 degF was where water freezes – and SF was at 40! Think of the frozen water, people!

  3. Chaf Says:

    You think the crybabies are bad there? Come to San Francisco, old friend; come titter at the bar gays huddled and shivering in three to five layers of tight T-shirt, at the ladies on the street in ginormous down parkas, at the dogs wearing sweaters. In all fairness I guess you do have to be careful to keep warm when the temperature plummets down to… 48.

  4. cubfan63 Says:

    I’d be happy to send some lake effect snow or some -25 wind chill and give the woo girls something to really woo about.

  5. archphoenix Says:

    Amen Chaf. What’s with the HUGE down parka market around here? That blows my mind every time I see one walking around here.


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